It’s interesting to write this today, as I had one hell of a day advocating for myself in my OB’s office yesterday. If you missed my IG story rant, here’s what you need to know:
I’ve been with the same OB for over a decade (and genuinely love him).
I left him while pregnant because he had just changed partnerships and had lots of new partners I wasn’t comfortable with delivering the twins, should he be unavailable.
My endometriosis was found by the OB I saw for my pregnancy, not my regular OB, but I had my file sent over to him so he should have my medical records.
So, the short version is:
I believe pain I’ve felt over the last decade was treated as a symptom for a back injury I sustained in my twenties, but it is actually associated with the endometriosis I have that was diagnosed on 11/1/17. Because of this, and the fact that the pain is regularly increasing, I fear the endo has reached a stage where a laparoscopy is necessary.
The best way I can describe the pain level is:
It’s so bad my mouth waters like I’m going to vomit, and then I feel like I’m going to pass out. Last month I laid on the couch for eight hours without help while the twins entertained themselves. I couldn’t lift them, couldn’t medicate the pain away, and couldn’t find a comfortable position.
And though it’s not as long lasting as recovering from a c-section, the pain is more intense and debilitating than anything I felt while giving birth or recovering.
But my OB does not believe it to be a clear enough symptom to diagnose it as endometriosis and gave me three months of birth control yesterday, indicating he thinks I’m merely feeling ovulation pain.
Before I move on, I’m not a doctor, I’m not an expert, and I’m fairly new to endo. I could be wrong, but I don’t think I am. I am the one who is living, breathing, and enduring the pain, not him. Maybe, and only maybe, if he could feel what I’m feeling, he’d know exactly what is going on.
Of course, that’s not an option.
And I’m stuck in this weird place of feeling frustration because I’m not getting the help that I need.
He offered birth control, he offered Lupron, and he offered a new drug on the market.
All drugs. No actual solutions.
Infertility taught me how to advocate for myself and what I think I need. It also taught me that I damn well know my body better than anyone else, and so if I think there’s a problem, I shouldn’t just let a doctor tell me what it is or isn’t, especially when it doesn’t make sense to me.
If you feel you aren’t being understood by your doctor, be persistent. In fact, I think it’s perfectly fine to expect to be seen as often as you’d like to be seen until they actual hear you. I’ve seen my OB this year three times, and at this appointment he made it clear that I didn’t need to be seen after I “tried” my birth control, but could just call him and we could talk on the phone, and while that might be more convenient for him, the squeaky wheel gets the oil, my friends.
And I’m going to squeak my ass off until I get some answers.
So will I call him with the results? No.
I’m making an appointment.
Because I’m serious about this.
In the meantime, I’m also advocating for myself by getting a second opinion and seeing a naturopath to work on my hormones in a more wholistic way. You know, without synthetic hormones.
Sometimes advocating for yourself is openly communicating your disappointment or disagreement with a doctor. Sometimes it’s seeking help from someone else when you don’t think you’re being served well. Other times, it’s looking for different paths to the same outcome.
Ultimately, I cannot function with the pain I’m experiencing and I don’t care who tells me what they think it might be, if you cannot give me a better solution than a pharmaceutical, you’re no longer my people.
So he’ll see my vagina for my annual pap but I think I’ve decided to seek help elsewhere for everything else lady-bits related.
Because we all deserve to be heard, seen, believed, and helped.
This might have frustrated me beyond belief but it has also really opened my eyes.
Just because someone speaks to you like they have your best interest in mind doesn’t mean they actually do, especially when they refuse to believe you.
Don’t let someone’s disapproval or dismissal of your feelings invalidate you.