Share Your Story - Meet Isaura!

Welcome to the Share Your Story series on InfertileAF, where we feature women and men willing to boldly share their personal insight into their diagnosis or their journey alongside Infertility.


Want to share your story? You can complete your interview HERE!

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Isaura Aguilera

Instagram Handle:

_Valiente_Guerrera_

Age: 36

Location:

Dumont, NJ

Give us your quick bio:

I was born in the Dominican Republic and raised in New York City. I grew up in a traditional
Dominican household being raised to one day have a husband and children. I met my husband
in my early 20s and we got married nine years later. We have faced challenges in our
relationship, especially because of my depression and anxiety. It has made us stronger and we
will celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary in the summer. We have a fur baby name Tiger who
is our world. I love merengue, Juan Luis Guerra is my favorite and I am a big 90s kids. I love the
90s!

What is your personal experience with Infertility?
When I was in my 20s I was constantly asked, “When are you going to have kids?” Followed by,
“Do not to wait to long!” I was very nervous about being a mother because of my depression. I
felt I would not be a good one because of it and at one point I did not want to have kids. Around
my early 30s I realized I did want to have kids and found it strange I have never been pregnant.
I even got off birth control pills. I went to my doctor and expressed my concerns. She said
getting pregnant is actually not easy and it does take time and a lot of trying. In any case, she
still sent me to have some test done just to make sure. Blood work and sonogram was done
directly through her office, a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) was done directly through my
insurance and in a different state. The sonogram showed I had fibroids and there was one
attached to the outside of my uterus that was very big. I was told to stop trying to get pregnant
and was scheduled for surgery. It was a scary feeling, it would be my first major surgery and I
did not know what to expect. I had an open myomectomy in the fall of 2017 where fibroids and
polyps were removed. We kept trying to conceive after I had clearance from my doctor. I read
blogs, went on Pinterest for tips, changed my eating habits, started taking prenatal vitamins,
bought ovulation kits, nothing worked. On my follow up appointment which was 4 months after I
had clearance to try again, I was able to get a copy of my HSG results to take to my doctor. It
said both my tubes were blocked and I was told the only way to get pregnant was through IVF. I
was devastated. I could not stop crying. It took me several months to make a consultation
appointment with a fertility doctor because I was not sure IVF was right for me. I felt it was
playing God and made me very uncomfortable. After discussing it with my husband we decided
to go to the consultation and see what happens. We saw the fertility doctor in June of 2018 and
started our first IVF treatment that fall. For me it was scary, I do not like needles. It actually took
me about 30 minutes to give myself the first injection. Everyday was a challenge to the point
that my husband would do the evening shots for me. One embryo was transferred on that cycle
but did not result in a pregnancy. I was devastated and became depressed. I took some time off
before starting my second cycle. I had another procedure done, they found polyps again and my
fertility doctor wanted them removed. I did my second cycle of IVF in April of this year. Two
embryos were transferred on Easter. I was very excited and felt a miracle was going to happen.
When I got the call with a negative pregnancy result, I was in disbelief. It took me some time to
get back up. I started my 3rd and possibly my last IVF cycle in July.


At your lowest point, how did Infertility impact you?

I have had so many different emotions. I have felt broken, I kept thinking to myself “I am
supposed to be able to get pregnant that’s part of being a woman.” Perhaps this is a
punishment for not wanting to be a mother and now that I do I may not be able to. I have had
periods where I am constantly crying. Seeing friends and family pregnancy announcements
hurts. Baby clothes in stores, kids pictures. Would I ever be able to experience motherhood?
What about my husband who has always wanted to be a father? My mom who has no
grandkids? I am robbing them of that experience because of my inability to be able to
reproduce. One of my biggest fears of going through IVF was my mental health. I have worked
so hard to work through my depression and now this is thrown at me. What if I fall in such a
deep depression that this time around I won’t be able to come out of it? It has definitely been a
roller coaster of emotions since my diagnosis. I have had several low points but perhaps the
lowest one was my first failed IVF. The day I got the call, “I am sorry the test came back
negative,” I felt like a piece of me died. During my cycle, I had picked out a possible name if it
was a boy. I started cleaning out what would be the baby room and looked at maternity clothes.
I even planned out how I would announce my pregnancy to my family. All of that went into
flames with one call. I was so unstable I felt the ground below me was crumbling. I couldn’t stop
crying. I took a few days off from work to ‘recover’. I was a mess for months. I was crying at
home, on the bus, at work. The pain at time felt unbearable. I was constantly getting chest pain
and headache. I just wanted to crawl in a ball and disappear. There was time that I was angry. I
did everything that was asked of me, followed every instruction. Why did it not work? Why am I
not pregnant?


What was the turning point in your mindset? What helped you find happiness outside of Infertility?

Reading other people’s stories has helped a lot. Also, having an honest conversation with
myself and my husband has definitely made me realize we are more than our infertility, and we
need to continue living our best life. Happiness starts from within. Sounds like a cliché but is
true. When you accept who you are and your situation and start seeing beyond it then you start
appreciating all the good in your life. I feel I am in a different mindset going into my third cycle. I
do not know if it will make a difference but that is okay. I am not stressing the do’s and don’ts of
trying to get pregnant. I want to ‘enjoy’ the process the best I can. Whatever the outcome is I
have accepted that things may not turn out the way I want and that’s okay. I have the love and
support of my family and friends and that alone is priceless.


How have you created a fulfilled and content life with Infertility?

I am just taking it one day at a time, trying to stay in the present moment, enjoying the people around me and trying to always have a smile on my face. Doing my best to see the good and count my blessings.


What actions did you take to help you heal?

I have a therapist for my depression and anxiety. I made sure I was attending my sessions and
being honest about my feelings. I allowed myself to go through the emotions instead of avoiding
them. If I was sad, I cried. If I was angry, I let myself be angry instead of telling myself not to feel
it. I gave myself time to heal and I lean on my loved ones for support.


What would you tell other people facing an Infertility diagnosis? (in lieu of the phrase "never give up")

You are definitely not alone even though it may feel that way. Accept the love and support of
your family and friends. When they ask how they can help and what they can do, let them know.
Tell them if you need an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry, space. Give yourself time to process
everything. Do not be afraid or ashamed, sharing your story can be therapeutic for you and for
others. Make sure to take care of yourself. It is important.


How do you views align with the InfertileAF Mission?

I was afraid to open up about my infertility, I felt like I was the only one going through this until I
realized I was not. It took being diagnosed for me and my family to learn about infertility.
Sharing my story is the perfect way to educate and empower others. For me and others to know
we can live a happy and healthy life beyond our infertility.


How has Infertility shaped your future self?

It has made her stronger because now she knows is okay if things don’t turn out the way she
expected. She may not have everything she wants but she has everything she needs.


What goals do you have for your future?

To be happy and live my life to the fullest whether I become a mother or not. To continue
spreading awareness on infertility and mental health.


~Thank you, Isaura, for sharing you amazing words with our audience. 

If you would like to be bold and share your perspective, be sure to submit your story HERE!

PS - Want to take your story a step further? Apply to be a SPEAKER at our 2020 Summit HERE!