Give us your quick bio:
Wife, daughter, SIL, auntie, friend, budget analyst, infertile, sensitive, introvert who loves her hubs and pug. Likes alone time, a few friends, sun, OTF & working out and self care.
What is your personal experience with Infertility?
My husband and I have been married 13 and going through infertility for ~11 of them (off & on treatments). Originally was unexplained, went through rounds of Clomid, then 2 IUI's with RE and called it quits do to my mental/emotional state. Moved on to adoption. Had a failed adoption in 2012 and then stopped to get our life back. Started again in 2017 working with a holistic dr, then went to a RE who a family friend recommended who was the "Dr House of fertility". Flew to NJ, suspected a blocked tube and possible endometriosis. Had lap and turned out to be a cyst on my ovary and endometriosis. Removed cyst and treated endometriosis and began cycling with this Dr remotely since Jan. We thought for sure I would get pregnant right away due to finally having a diagnosis and a Dr who knew how to treat me. Treatments (blood/ultrasound monitoring naturally and then with injections to release egg) did not work. I was diagnosed with Luteinized Unruptured Follicle Syndrome and drugs did not work to treat/make me release egg. Ended treatments in April/May and the only option going forward is IVF. Currently trying to process everything and make the best decision for us. We're both heavily leaning towards stopping treatments.
(Picture is the day our baby was born that we were supposed to adopt. Not the best picture but I want to be real.)
At your lowest point, how did Infertility impact you?
My lowest points were going through infertility treatments in ~2008-2010 and failed adoption in 2012. I literally wanted to die/prayed to die. Then the failed adoption broke me and had an out of body experience and just wanted my life back with Fred and Milo.
What was the turning point in your mindset?
I don't know if I can pinpoint why going through treatments the past year was so much better than previously. I'm at a better point in my life, an amazing job, settled with my husband. I focused more on myself and how I was feeling. I was able to schedule bloodwork/ultrasounds first thing in the morning and had minimal impact on work (thanks to the wonderful ladies at the diagnostic facility).
Also near the very end of treatments a couple months ago was when I found Tia's post on instagram and the Infertility AF page. She was literally the first person who owned going through infertility and not ending up with a baby at the end and being proud/happy/not afraid of it. It really made me happy and I finally had someone I could look to/relate to. I was not alone. Someone else did this and is happy and fulfilled and is a proud infertile non-mom.
What helped you find happiness outside of Infertility?
I am happy in my life right now. After 13 years married I still love my husband and want to date him. I love my dog, my house, my job, my friends/family.
What actions did you take to help you heal?
I'm going to therapy now. Tried it after the failed adoption but didn't feel like it helped at that time with that therapist. I just started going to therapy a few weeks ago and really liked the therapist. I just want to make sure I make the right decision and also heal. I have trauma from the failed adoption.
What would you tell other people facing an Infertility diagnosis? (in lieu of the phrase "never give up")
Take care of yourself. You will have support of your partner (maybe not exactly how you want it), and a couple friends (definitely not everyone). But no-one will take care of you like yourself. If you need a break take a break, work to make sure you are feeling good and in a good mental place. Also, I never would have though I would be happy without a baby/child. I was so afraid I'd be "messed up" forever from the failed adoption. But we're stronger than we realize.
How do you views align with the InfertileAF Mission?
I love that they welcome people from all aspects of infertility. And that not everyone has ended up with a baby in the end.
How has Infertility shaped your future self?
I think I'm more empathetic and a better friend. More understanding. Stronger.
What goals do you have for your future?
Be happy, proud, feel worthy. Be able to help others who are going through similar things one day.